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"For half of my life I have been careening wildly through the sea of chaos and destruction. The program of Narcotics Anonymous has shown me serenity and direction. I am growing to realize that my experience can benefit those who still suffer. The freedom that I have always sought I have found in the steps of the program".?-Basic Text Page 136 I was talking to 2 newcomers last night who were both part of an outpatient treatment program who were discussing the groups the had attended earlier in the day at the facility. How the had found it "Hard" to get anything out of it because there were several people there who were just court ordered and weren't "serious" about the program. As they were talking they were looking my direction as if to ask for my thoughts without asking. I told them that it had been my experience that I cannot measure anothers desire or willingness for this program. That I could only concentrate on why I was there. It would be no coincidence that a person who used to attend that meeting regularly, who had relapsed, would come back that evening. She told me she attended and was a trusted servant at that meeting 3 or 4 years ago. She began asking about several people whom I have never met, but my sponsor I believe is familiar with. He has attended that meeting for over 4 years. He was not there last night because he is out of town. I asked her if she knew him and seemed to remember. I told her to come back next week, that he would be there and she could find out about the people she inquired about. I didn't tell her that the group of 7 or 8 that were there at that time have all left. They didn't come back. I'm not sure why, maybe to not discourage her further after coming back, I just didn't. Maybe I should have. There was a person there visiting from Chicago. It's always nice to meet out of town guests. He had previously lived in Columbus and was back in town on business. We talked about Chapter 2 and one addict brought up the topic of "Staying Clean No Matter What". I know that the literature tells me I never have to use again. I have had, as well as others, life events happens that have tested my faith, my recovery, my very being, but I know that I could use any one of??these events as an excuse. I mean to me in the end that's all it really is, an excuse, to change how I feel, to change my perception of reality. After the meeting I got to talk to a couple of people, then I did clean up. I noticed everyone had left and I finished putting everything away and locked up the church. As I walked to my car I had a sense of peace that came over me. In that moment all seemed the way it should, and I felt a sense of peace and serenity that we talk about. A brief moment when I feel connected to something far greater than myself, and I know that I did was I was supposed to do. The ride home was calming and clear. I ended up with strange dreams that night, goofy dreams, that make no sense this morning. Here is a sample of a line I said to a guy who was dressed like a Nazi doctor..... Why is it Herr Doctor, that you can dance in and out of people's lives like bad toothpaste, and no one wants to spit you out? Like I said crazy dreams...... Have A Great Day.Love.....Bob D.