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It’s what Jesus would do |
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| What a wonderful day here in West Michigan.It was 70 degrees around noon and I had just finished picking up my youngest daughter from school.She was so beautiful in her dress, light brown hair swaying back and forth, slinging a back pack behind her as she skipped her way out the door of the school and into the calm spring breeze.I just slowly walked behind her, admiring the budding warmth and blooming trees that accompanies such a day, a rare day here in late April.I looked up to the sky and watched a small jet rumbling aloft, headed to the local airport and I smiled at the thought that soon enough, that will be me flying such a marvel, doing what I love to do.I reached my car and after joking lightly with my daughter and promising her a Three Musketeers bar (her favorite), I buckled her in and took my place behind the wheel.I fired the ignition and the stereo blared back at me. "With You" by Chris Brown...again.Sweet bag of fuck.Again?I changed the station."Ramble On" by Led Zeppelin.Much better.This is when it happened.My day's real entertainment had arrived.I looked in my mirror to gently push out into traffic.There isn't much in front of the school, it sits in a quiet residential area.I didn't see any cars coming either way that would be any danger to me, so I pulled out. |
| I didn't see any cars coming either way that would be any danger to me, so I pulled out.As I did and made my way up the street, 50 feet in front of me, a large Sport Utility Vehicle came whipping out of the parking lot, cutting me off and forcing me to slam on my brakes to as to not take her door out.She had all the signs of a complete soccer mom twat.Driving a Cadillac Escalade, she had the DVD player in the back seat running full blast because her kids need constant entertainment.She was sporting those bug-eyed huge sunglasses, flabby arms, she had the cell phone pressed to her ear, chatting away to her "friend" about her hair appointment she was late for or her husbands penchant for trying to stick his pin-dick into her anus.In retrospect, I should have hit her.Hmmm...Anyway, she rolled down, excuse me, she "powered" the window down and gave me an icy glare, the one her kids get when she is late for Pilates and shouted at me, "Why don't you learn how to drive and pay attention, asshole!"To which all I did was blow her a kiss *smooch* and said "Nice to see you kiss your brats with that mouth, you gold digger.""Kiss my ass" was her creative retort.Damn.That comeback left me speechless.Because I was laughing so damn hard.Why was I laughing so hard, you ask?Because, as I drove off and glanced at that woman, with her flabby arms and pasty white skin in the rear view mirror, I saw this on the back of her vehicle:Apparently, the Lord Jesus Christ taught that when faced with a situation on the roads where you could have been at fault in a crash, it is OK to yell obscenities at another driver in front of your children...that attend a Christian School.I'm sure of it.It was in St. Paul's Third Letter to the Sandeaters c. 2 v. 15-17, "And the Lord Savior Jesus Christ, as he was coming down from the Mount of Olives, was cut off by a Fruit vendor and shouted, 'Hey, cocksucker!Watch where you are going before I teach you how to fish with a fishing pole lodged in your asshole.'"Yep.That's what Jesus would do.I feel she did get the best of me, however.Any suggestions on what I could have said to really make her feel the wrath of Beelzebub?I mean, I have lots I could have said, but I want to hear how you would've handled it. |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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