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| Want a glimpse into what teens are and aren't doing with one another?Well, you can watch GOSSIP GIRL or you can listen to what an actual teenager has to say on the topic.A while back, I wrote a blog on abstinence, teens and sexuality which stirred up a bit of debate and led to Justin (aka my sidekick's sidekick) offering to answer a few questions regarding today's teens and their beliefs or at least his take on their beliefs where sex is concerned.Parents, brace yourselves.(And if you know any parents who might need their eyes pried open, send 'em on over.)I know you'd all like to think that your kid is different from the rest, but if there's one thing that becomes clear from this interview with Justin, it's that the days of Brenda losing her virginity at the prom and regretting it the next day are long gone.That glimpse of stocking once looked upon as shocking?Yeah, not so much anymore.Does anything go?And just how far does it go?To find out, read on.(Warning: All that fuss about Miley Cyrus is going to seem like a tempest in a teapot by the time you get to the end)If you have questions for Justin, leave them in the comment section and he'll happily and honestly answer.Q: Okay, so first up, let's introduce you to readers who may not know who the hell you are.Give us the basics... name, age and anything else you think might be interesting.A: Aw, geeze.Let's see..my name is Justin.I am currently 18 and a graduating senior in high school.Contrary to popular belief, I do not enjoy long walks on the beach, but I do enjoy a good movie.In fact, I would rather buy a movie that I'm only going to watch once than rent it.Oh, and my friends believe that I am going to write a graphic sex novel when I am older.Q: Since we're here to talk about teens and sex, tell us about your experience with the topic at hand.A: I've been around sex since about middle school.Albeit naive in the beginning, I have since grown into my sea legs, as it were.From making out with girls to having sex with guys, I've tried just about everything (that doesn't involve handcuffs) other than penetration with a girl.Sorry ladies, seen it and didn't want it.My friends call me the sex "expert" and are always coming to me with questions.I've been the person people have come to before they decide to have sex for the first time for a couple of years now.Q: How open are you with your family where issues of sex and sexuality are concerned?A: Our family is pretty open about sex.Growing up with two older sisters and an older brother, sex was a frequent topic of conversation in our household.My mother knew that we would have sex even if she told us not to, so she decided to be the one who told us to practice it safely.I can talk to her about her sex life (Although, why would I?)and I can talk with her about mine.However, the case is straight until proven gay.I have a step-sister who is a lesbian, but she isn't actively involved in our immediate family life she lives in Vermont, we live in Texas so our family doesn't discuss sexuality all that much.Q: Is your mom aware that you've had sex with guys?How does she feel about this?A: Ahhh.No. She doesn't.Straight until proven gay.My eldest sister does, though.Q: Would you say that the majority of your friends are sexually active?A: Yeah, and it's not just about penetration for a lot of people.Most of my friends just have oral sex.I always tell people that if they want to have sex, they should start out slow and make sure they want to have the real thing before they jump in and find out it's not what they want.That being the case, many of my friends stick with oral for right now until they are with a boyfriend/girlfriend for a good amount a time.(Depends on the couple.)Q: Do you think that your generation is more sexually ambiguous or fluid than past generations?A: I do.We want to see if the grass really is greener on the other side, even if both sides are equally green.We don't want to be held back by the labels that are given to us.However, along that same train of thought, when we find what we like better, we are going to stick with it.I think that we as a generation are the type of people who feel that the traditional roles of sexuality are not appealing, and we want to find something that fits us perfectly.Just as we are different people, we need something sexually that fits us.Q: Would you say that the parents of your sexually active friends know what's going on with their kids?A: For some, I'm sure they have an idea.I'll admit, I have a very free mother (about some things - sex being one of those).For the most part, however, parents don't know exactly what their kids have done, sex wise.We have conversations of it being mentioned, but not really a clear cut, "So are you having sex?""Yeah." type of dialogue.Q: How aware are today's teens of the dangers of AIDS in particular, but sexually transmitted diseases as a whole?A: The last thing we want is to get an STD.We know exactly what we are getting into when we decide to have sex, and we make damn sure that we aren't having it with someone with a past of STDs or even a person who has the slightest chance of having one.Your sexual history is pretty much common knowledge to the people around you in high school.Want to know the quickest way to get ostracized?Get an STD.We know what STDs do.We know that we don't want them.And AIDS?A lot of my straight friends don't give it much though.However, the gay friends I have - fully aware.We don't want to get that.Q: For several years, the internet was demonized in the media as being a place where teens went wild and adult predators were lurking behind every profile in an effort to corrupt young people.Do you think this is an exaggeration or was the media capturing the situation correctly?A: Oh hell.You've done it now.Before I even answer the question, allow me to say this: It's the younger people who are trying to get together with someone older who we really have to watch out for.At a very young age, I knew what to do and what not to do and what might happen if I did this or that, and the whole the internet situation in the media is an example of those kids wanting attention, but not knowing how to get it.Are there people out there who want to get with little kids?Yes.But that is everywhere.The girls you heard about in the media the ones who were claiming to be 18 when they were much younger weren't victims.There are no victims in the story of a man (or woman) getting with a girl (or boy) who intentionally flirted and LIED about their age in order to draw attention from someone else.Those young people knew exactly what they were doing, and when it didn't work out for them, of course they cried wolf.(Notice I said lied.)Now, back to the question.I think the media exaggerated the situation.They looked at a small percentage of people on the internet and made the wrong conclusion about the site as a whole.There are still people who won't get on the internet because of those stories.I think that is a bunch of bull.You can't take an entire herd of cows and pick the two sickest to make your judgments about the entire herd's health.(I'm really sorry about that analogy, but that is what came to mind.)Q: Do the old stereotypes -- in which a sexually active girl is a slut, but a guy is a stud -- still apply?A: You know, some friends and I just had a conversation about this and our thoughts went like this: A girl is a slut if she tries to get with another girl's boyfriend.That is what makes her a slut.However, if she has sex with different people and it's KNOWN that that is all it is, then for the most part, guys don't see a problem with that.Equality, right?A guy can be a stud or he can be a player (and you don't want to be labeled a player).A guy is a stud if he has girls coming up to him and trying to get with him, but he doesn't have sex with all of them. |
| A guy is a stud if he has girls coming up to him and trying to get with him, but he doesn't have sex with all of them.He can have sex with some of them, or most, if they know that that it's only about the sex.A guy is a player if he leads girls on to believe that they are the only one he is getting with even though he's actually sleeping with other girls.That isn't a good situation to be in.My friends and I agreed that it really depends on how you go about it.Sex is just sex when it's just sex.No strings attached.But you don't mess with people who think that it's something else.Q: Where do the majority of teenage sexual encounters -- in your experience -- take place?A: At a friend's house or in a car.Let's just put it this way: My bed was tainted by one of my friends before I got the chance to do it there myself.With me passed out on the other side!It's all good, though.I have two beds pushed together, so they took care of one side and I took care of the other when I finally did it myself.Saved me the trouble of having to do it twice.Q: How influential are figures such as Britney Spears or Paris Hilton on today's young people and how they perceive themselves as sexual human beings?A: You really have no idea how much of a joke those people are.They aren't even talked about unless the conversation goes something like this: "I feel sorry for Britney Spears, she's such a joke", or "Paris Hilton is retarded."We don't look up to them as these "sexual human beings."They aren't even a thought in our heads.Q: Conservative groups often protest television shows such as GOSSIP GIRL for being sexually explicit and setting a bad example for the youth of America.Are teens more or less likely to tune into a show that conservative groups have blasted as being sexually explicit?A: Oh lord.If someone says something is bad, what are you going to do?You're going to want to see why it is bad.That's the basic principle with TV shows.But the thing is, we've all seen what you're trying to hide from us.It's NOTHING NEW!These groups want to yank shows off the air for being sexually explicit, but showing someone's ass or the side of someone's boob is not sexually explicit.That's nothing.I could understand these groups wanting to keep teens from seeing hardcore, porn-style sex on network television, but that's not what we're talking about here.(Even still, if I wanted to watch something like that all I have to do is go to the Independent Film Channel).And the "adult" language that people get so worked up about?Spend a day with a teenager.You have no idea how many sexual innuendos are said.It's nothing new, people.Stop trying to find a reason to get your panties in a wad just because you like the feeling.Q: What is the biggest misconception adults in American have about teenage sexuality?A: That we are are stupid about sex.We aren't.Some may be naive about certain aspects, but if teens really want to know about sex, they won't stay naive for long.Another huge misconception about teenage sexuality is that we don't care about condoms and that we just pull out.You have no idea how many times I've heard adults talk about kids having sex and saying, "It's just a horrible thing!They don't even use condoms!"Sorry to burst your bubble, but we do use condoms, and we are terrified that they won't work or that they might break on us.Just last semester, I had two different friends come to me FREAKING out about condoms that broke while they were having sex.Two separate people, a girl and a guy, two different condoms.Both were terrified that there was a chance that something could go wrong and they could end up pregnant or with a pregnant girlfriend.(Thankfully, nothing happened to either of them.But it did result in both of them deciding not to have sex for quite a while.)Q: Are teens more likely to have sex with their friends or people outside their social circle?A: For the most part, outside.We really don't want to have the awkwardness that sometimes comes around when things don't work out.I don't have a problem with my friends from my different social circles having sex with each other.(People from my school are and the people I know from Houston.)I'll even be the one to introduce them.However, if we've known each other for a while and we have a thing for each other it's not uncommon for that to happen.If you want to be with someone, you're going to be with them if it works out.We just usually don't, because when you're with a person inside your social circle there is usually drama with the other people in it.That's the worst thing.Q: Do today's teens see being a virgin as a bad thing?How does being a virgin impact the social life of a teen if their "status" is public knowledge?A: V-SQUAD!That stands for Virgin Squad.It's a badge of honor, to be honest.The only time it's an issue is when someone claims to be a virgin and everybody knows they're lying.Be upfront about what you've done or, in the case of virgins, what you haven't done and there isn't a problem.Life is about experiences and people experience things at different times in their lives.Q: How old were you the first time you were sexually active with another person?Would you change anything (such as having the experience later in life) about that experience?A: I was a freshman.All we did was make out and I fingered her.That was my first time with a chick.My first time with a guy was when I was a senior, the day after Christmas of 2007.(What a nice Christmas present!)Would I change anything?I would have made it last longer, to be honest.Both were short lived (and it wasn't my fault or I suppose it was seeing as how I was the one making it happen!)I wouldn't have made it happen later in my life.I think that everyone needs to have their first time so they get over the initial awkwardness.They're able to fully understand their body afterwards and what happens during sex.(Oral, Penetration, or just touching.)Q: Do you believe that today's teens are more sexually active because of the sexually-charged atmosphere that exists in modern society?A: I've thought about this question for a bit.Is it because of the sexually-charged atmosphere?Or is it because we're much more open about it?I think we've come to realize that sex is sex.We as a society understand that we all have desires and needs, and sex is just about acting on those urges.So are we more sexually active?Yes.Is it because of the sexually-charged atmosphere?No. It's because we understand what sex is. I need to get my rocks off.You need to get your rocks off.Sex is just sex.It isn't the same as making love with someone, because that is something completely different. |
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