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YOU ARE MY FRIENDS.I NEED YOUR ADVICE AND W |
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Till Death do Us Part and I need you to help Us Extend that by Many Years?and I want to sleep like a baby again!I have been very sick for about a month or so.?Depression so severe that I did not want to get out of bed nor did I want to eat and at times I slept the entire day dead as a rock.?Of course Logan my cat was with me all day wherever I was.?Poor cat guarding mom in bed instead of having fun sitting in all the windows of the house and going after any spider that dare show itself.?I doomed her to depression but she would not leave me.
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I am bipolar and if you are a friend and have read any blogs of mine you know this.?I have managed really well for many months and then I was put under severe sleep deprivation.My husband who suffers severe Panic/Anxiety due to unbelievable pain and has sleep apnea has been in so much pain that he can't sleep.?He will leap out of bed in the middle of the night in an unbelievable state of Panic.?I cannot even imagine such a thing!?Then we try to put the sleep apnea machine back on his face and he is in such a state that he cannot wear it.?So he then snores loud, gasps and stops breathing 100 times and hour.?We had him tested.?I cannot go back to sleep because I hear him and am terrified that he will not start breathing at some point.Now the conundrum is just a viscious circle.?It has been happening for several years now and is worsening with the pain left by failed surgeries, leg cramps from the medicines and unbelievable swollen feet.?He cannot fit into his tennis shoes and therefore we cannot walk together cause, oh, besides his back surgeries he has had to have a partial knee replacement from injuries he sustained trying to save a mans life several years ago.?The rained out mountain path capsized and he went down 1 hundred yards with it.?The drunk driver who was fleeing the scene managed to save himself and run before they found?my husband.?My husband was airlifted by a helicopter to the nearest hospital.He could never run again.?He loved to run for miles.?He could no longer be in the Military Reserves.?He remained on patrol as the sweetest cop you would ever want to meet.Anyway back to it, he had his final day 5 years ago when atlast one step into his patrol truck caused two discs to give way and drag him to the ground on his knees.?He had been living with chronic pain for 20 some years and all that pain brought on panic/anxiety with it and worsening.WORKERS COMP WAS IMMEDIATELY OVERHAULED AND COMPLETELY SCREWED UP BY ARNOLD SCWARTZNEGGER AS SOON AS HE GOT INTO OFFICE. |
| WORKERS COMP WAS IMMEDIATELY OVERHAULED AND COMPLETELY SCREWED UP BY ARNOLD SCWARTZNEGGER AS SOON AS HE GOT INTO OFFICE.All of my husbands injuries are legitamate and witnessed and documented.?He has many injuries but contintued to work.?When his final day came they hired lawyers from Los Angeles to fight his case.?We had to go to court for every single thing.?In the meantime his pain and panic and anxiety got worse and worse.?It took them one year to ok surgery.?Then it was botched and he had to go back after court order for another surgery where they discovered all the screws and plates moving and bone shifting, that took a year.My loving husband has not slept laying flat in the bed for 5 years now.?Because of lack of exercise he has gained a lot of weight.?And he eats to feed all his fears and problems.?He never gained weight until this last year when I believe he gave up.?Workers Comp would stop paying us because of clerical errors and we have use up all our savings just to keep our house.?His job would not release his pension funds.?He is still considered a deputy of our County.?It took a lot but I finally saw the fight in him dissapate and he is now barely hanging on.?He falls asleep everywhere during the day.?I find him head down on his keyboard, humped over on the coach.?He falls asleep in the second he takes a drink from his water bottle before he sets it down and the bottle drops and then there is water all over.?This has happened with cereal, soup, every thing he drinks.We just got the papers saying they finally want to put him permanent and stationary at 70% for orthopedic injuries and we have not heard what the mental end of it is.?The kicker, they said they still plan to fight it yet!I will never give up!!!?I love this man!?Even though he is almost a shell of the man I married.Sleep is difficult.? |
| Sleep is difficult.?He will not sleep in another room without me.?I am his saftey person.?So finally the lack of sleep took me to depression so unreal.?I wanted to give up.?I told my shrink I was NOT suicidal but did not care if I woke up the next day or not.?She said I am a strong person and need to get my shit together and save my man.?I cried for two days after her visit.?I cried because the burden is too much to bare.?My lover is no more.?My husband and the father of my children and my rock to lean on is gone.?This is the true meaning of "Til Death do us Part."?He is now my patient.??I still love him with all my heart.If you are reading this you are my friend.?I am not complaining.?I will however accept any and all advice on getting sleep, and helping my man.
If you believe in prayer please put us on your list.?I do believe in Miracles.?We need a Miracle!?I can lose all that I own but I do not wish to lose my man and I need to be healthy to help him.I need to be healthy and I just am not hungry and nothing tastes good to me. One good friend has suggested carrots and wheatgrass and I am getting them today.?Any other helpful tips you may have are very much welcome.?I love all of you and I am almost begging you to give me you wisdom.?You are the best friends I have.?After 5 years, the only friends.Thanks you for reading this.?Please give it some thought and then I am asking for your help. |
| Please give it some thought and then I am asking for your help.Love and hugs to all, Kitty |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 17 July 2008 )
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